Just Not the Best Use of My Time

Hey, as a Christian sister I’m reaching out. You could call my bluff on any number of things: how much time I spend on the internet (I read THIS, didn’t I?), how little time I put in to meal planning, how I could spend more time in the Bible… 

And so I respectfully disagree that I should continue a meaningless tradition called Santa Claus. An early childhood professional could tell you that pathways in the brain are set at an early age. I feel if a child is old enough to learn about Santa, he’s old enough to learn Jesus. 

I spent oodles of $$ making sure my child could sign, and communicate with me.  I even tried some Baby Einstein videos.  Classical music, too... I have spent way too much time trying to communicate well with my child and foster brain development to throw a wrench in that with a falsehood.  That I would be responsible for creating and fostering, no less!

I can instead choose to honor how very much they absorb by using this precious time to create pathways of joy. Joy that we are saved no matter what. Joy to me in this case also means not having to be weirded out by a dude coming in to my home when I’m asleep (let alone a fairy who picks up my head to deposit money! Hehehe).

We are also told to worship only one God. Worship is attention. I definitely put a lot of attention on my prayers to Santa as a kid. So I am trying not to misdirect my children’s attention, either accidentally or on purpose. 

I choose not to perpetuate a myth: because there is no explanation for it.

Now, I love explaining the sacrifice of St. Nicholas – he was made a saint for a very good reason – and it’s awesome! The Santa dude, not so much. 

And the ever-present patriot in me loves the cute effort of America to "unite" around this thing, since we can't agree on much else.  But I refuse.  Let's unite around the Bill of Rights or something civic like that - basic human rights - not lies. [Snark: leave that to some politicians!]

You say it’s to bring magic in the home? Children have their own imagination – to make something up for them stifles that. 

You need to have traditions? Yes, we all do!!  How about a birthday party for Jesus? Or a Las Posadas? These are very honoring traditions that elevate Him. 

There is no need for balance when we have an awesome Savior who went all the way! WOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

"The Winners Always Write History" "And Now We Must Over-Compensate"

My daughter was so excited her teacher let her have this book today and bring it home.  I rejoice in that her teacher is generous. 

So we took a look at history together.  The following is a discussion with a friend.  But I deleted her part of the discussion out of respect for her family.

Just had a heart to heart with Ellie on a Scholastic book on Chris Columbus. We talked about inflammatory word use in "history" books as inappropriate.

Good for you!

And the complete lack of respect for the dead the book portrayed of him.

And I asked her could we get away with talking about people in our class that way? No!

I didn't even touch on right or wrong ideas. I told her to bring me more books like this so we could discuss. I also asked her a ton of questions, like, "Did you put that Spanish flag on America? " She said, "No." I told her, "Then don't take responsibility for it. Don't ever let someone make YOU feel guilty about it, because of the color of your skin."

"And what did we call our town before we moved here?" "Our new town." "Yes. And so was it ridiculous that they called it the New World? " "No." 

"But do you see this wording leads the reader to mock them?"

"Are we allowed to mock people in class? No? So why is it okay when they are dead and we disagree with them?"

"Because who will they choose to mock next? Do we know? No. And so we do not associate with mockers."

Back to now:  

My beef, as you see, is the tone with which this book was written.  I don't think I can judge anyone.  I'm told not to, actually.

And I am certain I cannot judge someone I have never met, anachronistically, against whom history rails like the fifth grade bully.  And even this: how can a school teach respect, when respect toward someone who is even dead is not a value?

And I am not a historian, but I am a mom.  

That means my BS meter is fantastic.

It also means I have a responsibility to teach my girls the way Ms. Portwood taught me about journalism, the power of the phrase, the use of leading questions and leading sentences.

I must activate their BS meters early.  

So at the end of the evening, I told her, "Bring books home.  Let's just sit here again and ask tons of questions.  I will try to have a more level head next time, okay?"

What do we have?

A lot is changing for those in the service.  There are plenty of Facebook meme's to show how that is changing.  Benefits gone.  Higher co-pays.  The list continues.

Yes, they're taking away a lot.  But from my perch in civilian world, may I just tell you what they can't take away?

These are things I celebrate about the majority of my military life.  I celebrate these things, because they are unique, and Congress and voters can't vote them away.

1 - Friends will come to the homecoming ceremonies with you and wait forever.  Four or five hours, if necessary.  Stopping their lives to celebrate your amazing gift of that one moment.

2 - A spouse is gone and you're truly sick of it: you'll get compassion (unless you have the unfortunate circumstance of conversing with a one-up-game spouse, in which case, keep your trap closed).

3 - Not only that, you might get to spend some time with friends whose spouses are also gone, and who see it not as a time to mope, but as a time to connect!

4 - A commitment to support big life events.

5 - A commitment to host celebrations of big life events.

6 - A residual honor - that just won't go away - for traditions.

So keep the faith.  

Manifest Destiny

So there's probably a movement in the US - taking a wild guess here - that denies the value of Manifest Destiny to our country.

I think I might join it.

But only because I am a little frustrated right now that my friend lives a 4 day drive from me, my parents a full day drive, my in-laws a 3 day drive, my siblings and other family a horrendously overpopulated 2 days drive... it's really cramping my style.

Why couldn't Americans have been happy with just staying on the East Coast?  Then I'd get to be with my soul peeps a bit more.

Thankful for Facebook, at least.

Yeah, I guess there's that.

Eesh.

The Fruits of Summer Reading

The fruit of summer reading is panic.  Panic!  Once your hard work has paid off, and your child is reading, what do they read?  Where do you start in helping them find great books?

A sage woman once said, and to keep her identity secret I'll just call her Cheryl, that once your children start reading for themselves, you'll want to invest in series.  Series are amazing: read one and you get the flavor for the entire set!  Ahhh, load off!

So I've read a couple of American Girls: it's a win.  And now that they have mysteries, that's an entire other series my daughter gets to explore.  They have brought up some historical topics I have approached with Ellie: true, and therefore invaluable conversations.  For example, we have loved the entrepreneurship of Kit Kittredge contributing to her family as they dealt with poverty.  We've also discussed how poverty took them - and America - by surprise.  We've discussed the different lives of Marie-Grace and Cecile in New Orleans (especially when we visited New Orleans!), because of their skin color and their family situations in 1850. This series has spawned research and more research - not in our original lesson plans.  They have been RICH conversations, and hard, and good.  Their series has been an amazing American journey - for me, too.

I've also read a Bobbsey Twins book so she's cleared for those - win, because there are about 62 of them. I wish I could find the picture of my daughter and Oma with her own childhood collection she let her borrow: a unique connection there! The bookworm gene picture, I call it.

Hardy Boys are next, thanks to the advice of another secret wise woman I'll call Jeni.  I remember reading Nancy Drew but I think they are a bit too scary for mine just yet.

Magic Tree House - we discussed the elements of magic in them prior to trying one, and while she enjoyed that one book, the "looking upon the tree and feeling the magic" was a bit odd to her, as it was to me as well, and so we decided to put that series on hold.  No rush! Ever.

Never did Junie B. Jones after the once. The language left a crass taste on the story, and just wasn't worth repeating.  Anything with Wimpy or Dork in the title makes me sad.  Rant: schools pour money into programs to boost kids' self-esteem and use the same source of money to buy books calling kids all these awful things. I don't get it, especially the Junie books :)

But behold.  The last neutral territory in America: the Amish.  Has someone written an Amish series for children?  Can this be true?  I just discovered them at the library last week.  I want to share!  The Double Trouble series is written by Wanda Brunstetter.  Her many other books appear to be Amish or old country in nature, and geared toward adults.  This seems to be her second foray into the children's world.



My daughter started with What a Pair! by Wanda Brunstetter and it quickly became a best friend.  Twin siblings have adventures on the farm and get in trouble - a recipe for belly laughs and mischief.  Sometimes they don't get along, and other times they do.  It's real.

I am pleased to say she is begging for the sequel!

What's the take-home, Wendy?  Are you dumbing down your kid by escaping magic and name-calling? No. I just don't think they are worth our time; rather, adventures, teamwork, and real historical topics get us going toward the positive.  My old boss once told me, "Remember, you are raising adults, not kids."  That's just about the most inspiration I could need.

This series by Wanda Brunstetter is gleeful SUMMER READING.  Joy, summer, freedom.  Life lessons.

The fruit of summer reading!

Precious Life

An update on the local family I mentioned two posts ago.

THIS is why we believe:

The Life of Micah Brown

Build a Menu

Early on in motherhood, I wanted to make sure I had the most amount of me time possible.  I think that's normal.  I think to many frazzled, stressed out people, it's necessary.

A Whole Lotta Change

But now I am focusing on education instead of what I wanted to do with my free time, which was sip coffee while cleaning my home and planning food and running around town to different activities... and because I decided a long time ago that I have "enough education," that education is for my children.

I am now, as my father pointed out, a personal tutor for my little geniuses.  How quaint!  Now if only those little geniuses were rich... and all the tutoring happened in a castle... preferably in England so I could have tea with Princess Kate...

Regardless, I discovered on this five year journey that all along, I was making a wrong call.

Who Should Do What?

For me, my wrong call was wanting to outsource the wrong thing.  I personally wanted to outsource education.  After a long personal journey, with lots of valleys, I choose instead to outsource meal planning and cleaning if it means I give my children the very best we can provide at this time.

May I help you outsource what may or may not be a source of stress: meal planning?  Perhaps you love it but need a break.  I met two lovely sisters two months ago who have brainstormed to create a program that helps you plan BEFORE you get to the store.

How It Works

I get nothing out of this arrangement save for the joy of knowing that you will also be freed from a time-heavy task.  I was so struck by these sisters' purpose and giving that I will joyfully share what I have learned. They believe that since everything we have is God's, he DOES care about how much we spend at the grocery store.  In addition, their proceeds directly benefit orphan care.  Amazing.

The program works by first choosing where you go to shop for groceries, and next picking and choosing from a huge variety of meals and diets.  There are different recipes that once you choose, it keeps a tally of how much money you will spend at that store. Meanwhile, it is compiling a super organized grocery list for you!

How does it help?  I take about 15 minutes to choose meals for the week, print the generated shopping list, and I'm out the door.  I have also been able to bless my daughters (hungry for me to spend time with them in the kitchen) with a couple of their Cooking with Kids options!

In addition, there have a been a couple of times I have chosen a meat-rich meal but in tandem with other meats that week (or weeks - it's not limited to just one) I found my choices superseded our budget.  So I could change the plan mid-picking to something less costly.  WIN! Phew, that was a close one.

So hurry on over, say hi to Lisa and Karee, tell em I sent ya, and enjoy.  It costs less than Netflix, and is better for you.  If you sign up through May 2014, you can use this special coupon code.  Click here:  BuildaMenu.com Semi-Annual Sale - Signup for $35 a Year!

Chop to It

There's a lot I pretend to know.  And a lot you will never know I know.  And a lot you know I know but you wish I didn't know...

But know this: my brain has been STUNNED.

I knew I got energy from running.  I knew I got energy from coffee.  I knew I got energy from hanging out with my friends.

I did not know I would get energy from my daughters' activities.

At a local hippie kids festival recently, the girls won a semi-private lesson to an extracurricular activity.  We followed through with the invitation.  I was amazed at their "hook" and their presentation, which in one fell swoop shocked me into glazed-eye-where-do-I-sign-hood.

Reservations Before

But I held back.  The skeptic in me held the pen closehold.  We were invited back again the next day.  Meanwhile, I had been so starry eyed I'd even forgotten to ask about the cost.

I talked with a couple of friends, my out-of-town husband, and prayed.  I have never prayed about an extracurricular activity for my children, please don't kick me out of church, but I sensed this was a monumental decision.  Especially for someone as stuck in the Great Depression mindset as me.  I couldn't find exact numbers, but I knew there would be a high cost.

My husband told me to go ahead to the next class, and be courageous to say no if the price ended up being unacceptable.  So we did.

Dessert, Please

As my daughters finished up the second lesson, I almost wept.  The girls had woken up that day asking about karate, asking me if they were behaving well, concerned about having time to practice their moves before the next class.

They were exhibiting diligence.

I almost wept because this was the exact place that not only my daughters, but I needed to be.  I need diligence just as badly as they do.  But also, the activity offered a family price, not by number of children - I was sold.  My husband and I could join in, too? - sold (even though the activity with a baby on my back would be difficult, I am not above it).

This was different from other activities because I wasn't divided from the action, I was invited into it.  You'd think with nonstop interaction I'd want a break, and I do sometimes, but I value any influence on my children and want the option to be present and participating too!

In addition, a tragedy is happening in our community right now.  And so every single parent is holding their children extra tight while praying and planning for a stricken family.  I have less desire for that "break" I thought I needed.  Follow this link to Help the Brown Family

I got to be present as my daughters practiced focus, self-discipline, and forceful speaking.  My daughters got to punch and kick and learn the right setting for that.

More importantly, once they broke a board with their feet they had the most beautiful expressions on their faces. They knew the board was for breaking.  They knew it might break.  But when they broke it themselves, I saw joy and wonder on their faces that they could do it.

With proper training and practice, they experienced the freedom in accomplishment.

The Take Home Test

The energy I got from seeing these precious girls light up with confidence will fuel me for months.  I'll be showing the cheesy video I took for days, to anyone who will look!  But you don't really need to know that.

What you do need to know, because I hope it will help you too, is what I learned from karate in two lessons; first, that respect is a two-way street.  What I saw, as a mom taking a break and watching someone else teach my children, was the way the girls responded to outright respect.  They were eager, they were hungry to learn, and they were smiling.

Obviously I've heard this before.  And I know it.  But I think because there is so much to do, I get lost in the doing and forget the relationship.

Doesn't that happen in life all the time?  At work, with church, in our marriages. Lost in the doing?  No. Look up, look into the eyes.  Respect.

The second thing I learned from two days of karate is what I helped my girls memorize - the school rules:

1. Be my best.
2. Have fun.
3. Improve Every Day.

I think these are my own new rules!  I think if I take them seriously, and by "them" I mean the rules AND my family, things will get better.  I think, too, this is what God wants from me... and I can see it more clearly when it's stripped down to elementary words.

Our home is about to get more fun.  

Save Our Girls

Two recent events have my head swimming.  Could you help me out here?

First Event
More than 200 girls in Nigeria were kidnapped from their boarding school and while some have escaped, none have been rescued.

I turned to a blog for news because the amount of information about this horrifying event is so slim.  Here's a link to what I read:
Why Girls in Nigeria Should Matter

Second Event
I also listened to a very young, very passionate young man speak about the need for action to preserve the very meaning of humanhood.

I thanked him for his passion, the fact that he had the courage as a man to speak to this topic, even as some women attempt to shut men out of the conversation.

What conversation do both of these things answer to?  The conversation that asks this question, "Whose lives matter?"

The Call to Action
The blogger concludes that because the girls are in Nigeria, their lives don't matter to us here.  That may be true.  Africa is very far from us, unimaginable to some.  But if I were the African-based enemy, I would take comfort in the fact that Ukraine is closer and we do nothing there.  I might even be emboldened.

I love the blog about girls in Nigeria: tons of information, and passionate.  But I also dislike it.

It asks for us to do the noble thing and hashtag #bringourgirlsback.  That's important, because in our day hashtagging the issue will achieve something.  But honestly?  Hashtagging is no sword, and a sword is what these bad guys understand.  There needs to be a next step.

The reality of our smartcountry is that this hashtag is step number one: digital action before physical action. Once there are enough hashtags to garner a government's interest, I wonder if our very efficient special forces could go in and solve the problem.

But I don't want to limit responsibility to the government.  Americans can do more than hashtag, can't they?  I love that some are being emboldened to rescue prostitutes from their prisons (see Undercover Work Dismantling Brothels) and I wish men could come together and solve this horrifying case as well.

The enemy knows these smart ladies have the potential to change Nigeria.  That's why they are being held captive.

Yet they need to be set free: by chivalry in the first meaning of the word.

The Twist
The blog I cited above ended with a cool line: "Girls matter. Everywhere."  It's true, and I'll rehash it in her tone: Girls matter, "even" in Africa.

The young man I wrote about earlier was Josh Duggar.  After his talk, I told him I appreciated his staying in the fight for girls' rights, women's rights.  Folks, he does that for American women.  He is fighting for all American women's lives to be valued.

Judging by the effort he and his organization have put into this fight, I would say it is a struggle for Americans to value its own women.

And so I offer up perhaps we don't understand the value of life elsewhere because we are still struggling to value its worth at home.

Because girls matter.  Everywhere.  Even the womb.

Hillary, Duck

This will be really short.
I do not like shoe throwing.
I do not like shoe throwing at Republicans.
I do not like shoe throwing at Democrats.

That being said, I think evasive action is now something every politican should learn.

Um, especially if shoe throwing has happened not once but twice in the past decade... perhaps a class?

Here's my take on the matter: it's just a huge metaphor. Hillary, Duck! Or, Hillary Duck...?

Here's the brainchild of these thoughts.

Make Custom Gifts at CafePress

Paternity, Don't Leave

I called this blog "Wrong Call" because I think referees often make wrong calls, and I think I make wrong calls, too.  But now even critics make wrong calls.

This actually happened.  Read this article, linked here!

Baseball critics are even critics of fathers too

Why would Mets player Daniel Murphy possibly choose to miss opening day just for a birth?

The birth of his son?

What is wrong with him?

Stepping Up to the Plate

It's not like it's his son's first opening day as well, the only opening day into life he'll ever have.

What the critics missed was that there is more than one life involved in a birth.

Take, for example, the person most mentally, physically, and immediately, affected: the mom.  I won't go into details, but absolute pain and subsequent absolute euphoria are pretty exhausting to experience in one day, or two.

Here is a chance for this young dad to witness a great occurrence, yes, but also to be present for his wife.  It is perhaps one of the single greatest ways to bond, other than the action that got them to the hospital in the first place.

In the past, men may not have been welcome in the hospital room, or even the tent if you want to go back that far, but here in this day and age, women and men are rarely working the farm together anymore.  Many of us are passing ships in the night.  Busy beyond belief.

A birth is still sacred enough that it is a valid excuse to be together.  Would these critics truly want to strip that away?

It speaks well of this man that he would choose to be there on such an opportunity. I'm going to take a guess that his wife will never forget it.  And that her loyalty love tank is absolutely full, for a long time.  Well done, Murphy family.

My Own Experience

I had this image as a 20 something that it would be awesome if my midwife were female, my doctor were female, and all my female relatives were in the room whenever I got to have a kid.

As a woman in labor, some ten years later, I recall looking at my female midwife, and the female doctor who was on duty, and appreciating them deeply.  As a recovering feminist, I now know what matters more is their skill than their gender.

But I appreciated my husband, who was holding my shoulders from outside the tub and rubbing my back to relax me, far more.

When we left that room, he did take some vacation.  And he served me, well, until he had to go back to work.  I will never forget that.  I was able to recover, and snuggle with the baby, and serve that baby as God had designed my body to do.

But my husband was able to serve me, and he chose to do that.

The young Murphy family will be blessed with this same sweet memory of service.  I am so grateful this has raised a stink in the news.  I have a feeling his choice will influence some other families' choices in the future.

P.S. If you're wondering how I was able to labor meds-free, in a tub, and bond with my husband instead of yell at him, check out this book, Husband Coached Childbirth, the Bradley Method.  My sister-in-law and brother-in-law had told us this is how they had done it.  No "pressure" here, but it most certainly was a "load off" knowing my husband knew what was going on.  Never underestimate the value of confidence!

Why Every Blog Begins With Why

I'm not sure what's making me crazier.  The number of blogs out there or the number of self-centered blogs.

In the past month, I've seen no fewer than 271 reasons WHY you should never say this, never do that, recover from this, always excuse that.  It's exhausting.

By the way, this photo is entitled, "WHY YOU SHOULD EAT INDIAN FOOD ON A CRUISE."'

I know, right?!?!  Who gives?!?

Does anyone else feel like they are re-living the 90's and the word police?  It's like Facebook is giving political correctness a whole new life.

WHY is this so exhausting?

Because, dudes, someone else is telling you how to run your lives and what you can say without any sort of authority other than they have a really good photographer take a really heartbreaking or deep photo and wax on and wax off about their lives and what changed when they realized that... well, they realized that if you start a blog with "why," people bite!  And they read!!!

I don't know.  I'm all about being a better person, but by God's grace.  I can't change me just by reading more blogs.

I also know I can't change me just by applying more rules.

That's the issue here.  The last thing we want is more rules.

And if there's a last thing, there's a first thing.

If these word police bloggers, and I'm going to go out on a limb and call them PLOGGERS (police + bloggers, you see?), see fit to give us more rules, I just ask, from the bottom of my heart, do it with more grace.  Start with grace.  Let grace be the first thing!!

In this day and age, and this political environment, don't give people even MORE reason to look down on each other!  For the love.

Speaking of which, I love you, so much, for reading a blog post about the nuclear proliferation of blogs.

Bless you friend!

My Only Education Post That Will NOT Mention the Common Core

This "Wrong Call" business: I am trying to catch thoughts and readjust them in a way that honors God.  I am trying to identify things I do or say that can hurt others, unintentionally from my mouth, via my heart. The "Wrong Call" is the vehicle through which I exhibit heart change: to show you "found" thoughts that are wrong, that a Godly referee would "see" and blow his whistle.

Today's Wrong Call: Not affirming the heart-wrenching decisions that other parents make.  Ugh.

In this age of glass ceilings blown wide open, or rather transferred to another group of people (another post, another time), we have so many choices.  Full time, part time, quarter time, eighth time, or - my personal favorite - sixteenth time (see my blog The Stealth Muffin at www.thestealthmuffin.blospot.com).  While Satan comes to divide, and conquer, and destroy, I have been blessed to meet so many women who build up, encourage, and even write tips and take photos on how to survive.

It's an awesome time.

And so, how we use our hours during the day may vary; yet, at the end of the day, we are women.  Women making tough choices.  I think I heard that once from a very young mother and it has stuck with me.

Respect of other parents' decisions.  Here we go:

My husband and I leaped with joy that we were moving here because of its public school system's reputation.  Our tour of the school did not disappoint.  Class act.

But, after much back and forth, we discovered that we wanted to continue homeschooling.

By the way, that's not because I am patient, or because my children are overly obedient, or because I can balance my house-cleaning, husband-loving, exercising, and educating roles in life.  I can't, and I don't, though I try to honor God with a variation of emphasis on some of them most of the time!  He is here, at the end of my wits, every day.

Anyway, the look of horror I see [thankfully only sometimes] when I mention that homeschool is a part of our lifestyle is astounding.  The look says this, "Oh, the horror!  Oh I could NEVER do that."  Or, the look is boldly accompanied by the same words.

But, imagine if I indulged in the flipside: someone tells me their child goes to public school.  I give them a look that says, "Oh, the horror!  Oh I could never do that."  I mean.  Ouch, right?

It's just so hurtful.  The worst part of it is, it usually comes very blithely.  It's an accepted response, and I can't do anything about it.

How do I know it's accepted?  I have said it, to friends who homeschooled (obviously before we chose it). I am ashamed of my thoughtlessness now, and even more amazed at their gracious responses.

We can't generalize, anymore, who is crazy, nuts, or mainstream.  You'll never know, and I'll never know, until God straightens us all out once and for all.

But often times I wish that I could all stop my past words in midair, swirl-fly around them with a camera like the Matrix, and have the time to think just what it is my words are doing to the person receiving them.

Our hours are different - but all our stress is crazy.  Share the love, the light, and the Lord, with words.