Oops! They Did It Again

Yesterday I reported to the dermatology office a bit further away to have the surrounding tissue of my biopsy removed.  As required as the next step in a malignant melanoma biopsy, they cut half a centimeter around the previous wound (which hadn't healed right, anyway, so I was glad for a new start).

The doctor was very comfortable tearing my leg apart.  A buddy came in and they were talking about some new billing methods.  I don't know how that would have made YOU feel, but in my head I thought, "Yay! He totally does this every day.  I am in good hands."  He did apologize for the interruption but I explained it shows his confidence.

We'd had so much discussion about the site I forgot the other reason I was there!  I told him I had been sent out his way also because of my mysterious neck growths.  My PA was hoping he could treat them there with laser.  He peered around to look and exclaimed, "Oh! Wow!" and had his buddy check it out, too.  They were intrigued.  I think this is how corpses feel when they donate their bodies to science: "Yay! I knew it! I AM special!"

I had gone to the appointment and the whole way back listening to "Til the End" by Jeremy Camp on repeat.  Lovely, eternal message that could give anyone courage in practically any situation.  He had led our worship service this weekend and for some reason, the depth of his pain and his story resonated with me.  I have not lost a spouse to cancer but I can weep with him at the misery I imagine one could have.  Because....

In the time and space between last appointment and this one, I have planned the start, middle, and end of my funeral.  This includes details such as:
- the playlist to be played on rolling speakers for its 1 mile fun run and walk
- the ice cream company that will have an ice cream truck at the end of the run/walk (for some reason this funeral will be in the summer?)

It's terrible.  These thoughts don't quit.  I know anyone could die at any time.  We are not promised the next breath.  But there's a difference between that knowledge and the knowledge that something cancerous has been growing on you and pursuing your life aggressively.

I share the thoughts so that you know how much support people with cancer need - like, cancer going on NOW (this is just my BRUSH with it!).  The mind is its own battlefield.

The doctor assuaged my fears.  I did not mention them to him, I simply asked about melanoma.  He said the way it grows is OUT OUT OUT and THEN down.  It's the down part, the reaching down, that makes it invasive.  Mine was superficial, like in the top 0 mm of my skin!  So I was probably okay, but he had to go AROUND the site wound to ensure it had not grown OUT anymore.

I relaxed and breathed then.  So I was not going to die of this wound.

This gash - it's about 6 inches long.  It ACHES today.  I'm on my couch and my daughter is wheeling me around in my office chair!  Almost hilarious if I weren't petrified the ladder of stitches was going to tear.

And Uzzie buddies - I know you feel my pain when I say I heard the UPS truck roll up my driveway and drop off my books and I couldn't go get them!  AHHHH!!!  [The kids felt special when I asked them to get them though - that's a bright side].

This gash. I've decided I'm going to tell everyone I got it in Iraq. I mean, I could have gotten skin issues there, right? I did lay out on a bunker once or twice.  I DID swim in Baghdad palace lakes and I assure you I didn't use sunblock then.  I was only out 3 times without my full uniform on so maybe it *did* grow then.

Otherwise, I truly can't remember a time I was out in the sun without sunblock.  And saying "I got it in Iraq" makes me sound like a badass.

I get the results back within a week.  Here's hoping the melanoma had found a stopping point.
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A 6 Step Method to Skip the Bait

There's no doubt: a decade after we all thought there would be hopeful change, there is simply more visible hate.  Hate has been given license and freedom where it had never before.

Reactions are so visceral there leaves little room for discussion.  Facebook tirades turn into statements with "no comments please."  No discussion please, they say.

No discussion?

It's offensive to me that a lack of discussion is permissible.  It's offensive to me that unbridled hate and statements made without question are given free reign.

But I understand why they are.  People are tired of "discussions" gone sour.  On Facebook, discussions rarely exist.  Now with hate being an okay, socially acceptable disease, they devolve quickly into puff matches.  And I don't care who you're voting for, the candidates are all stewing it at this point.  It gives them fuel, and it gives them donors.

Dude, I could go on and on and spiral downward with this country.

Hate is bait.

Instead, I'm going to pull myself out of the muck.  I'm going to try to take the hate and turn what I see as something destroying political debate - and therefore our country - into something constructive. I'm going to revitalize something called, "asking questions."

I've developed a constructive outline for disagreements on Facebook.  I hope this proves useful to you.  I hope your friendships are maintained or even enhanced by the outline below.  Thomas Jefferson and John Adams frequently disagreed and yet were able to pull some semblance of a lasting document together.  We can do it, dudes! We can rise above this chaos.

Here we go:

Step 1: Facebook statement made, or graphic posted

Step 2: Friend/commenter of that person reminds themselves that that person, who has been their FRIEND, truly believes in what they posted.

Step 3: Commenter: instead of disagreeing right off the bat, ask, "What are your reasons for this opinion?  I respect you, and I'd like to know where you are coming from."

Step 4: Statement Originator: State reasons without turning a stink eye at your Facebook friend.  Keep it, as we used to say in the 90s, professional.  Professional means a focus on the issue and facts, not any assumptions you have about your friend, the media, or the world.

Step 5: Commenter: "Interesting."

And then nothing else! I dare you!  Just THINK about their reasons!  Step away from Facebook.  Go about your more important day.  This is especially important should your passionate disagreement rise within you like a Montezuma's Revenge symptom, rocket-powered, unstoppable, on its way out... JUST STOP.

And after a few hours, when you have your wits about you, you can return.

Step 6: Commenter: "I've been thinking about what you wrote/posted/drew.  I understand your reasons.  I respectfully disagree for these reasons."

And then avoid words used commonly now in major news stories to persuade or convey emotion.  They are typically adverbs.  Yes, so just casually avoid adverbs.  Everyone knows you are just as passionate as the next person.  Present yourself professionally so that your friend can even hear your ideas.

It's a good thing, this seeking understanding from one another.  We can rise above the new healthcare dependency age of 26.  Let's be 21 again when we take responsibility for ourselves, shall we? Let's strive to conduct ourselves like adults and not fall for the bait of hate.

Let's use this political climate to reach across aisles.  One can disagree with policies, how people represent themselves (certainly!), but it's dangerous to use that as a reason to hate any person - a candidate, or a friend.  In fundamentalist worlds, that hate can be manipulated to do anything.  Do not give it a berth in your heart.  Do not let that start at a friendship's expense. 

Don't empty your pockets or your energy into something that is bad for your soul.  At least on Facebook political comments, swim in the stream away from the hate bait - flee it before it sucks you in to the bucket of other fish who bit.  It's not okay to hate - anyone.

Matthew 5:43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighborⁱ and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

The One Thing I Have in Common With Arnold Schwarzenegger

Ten years ago, I had a clear protusion removed from the bottom of my leg.
Since that time, it's turned in to a mole.
Last year, I had the mole looked at because it fit the bill of "ABCD" and the dermatologist said it was nothing. I was so surprised!  I think I even posted a vague Facebook status that day, something like, "It was nothing!  Doctor says I'm cancer free!" while in disbelief.  I couldn't believe it.

At about the same time, we got the news that unlike what our initial orders read, we'd be moving from our southern home 2 years earlier than planned - that summer.

We were not only moving, but we were moving to the north.  I was so afraid because it gets so cold.  Many forms of government service (my parents', my own) have kept me in pretty warm climes, deserts even (doggonit!) and my blood has verifiably thinned.  I will argue with any doctor about that!

But I also did not want to leave my neighborhood or the pool, or the kids' school and teachers....

Fast forward to this spring. I'd been hibernating for approximately 7 months, unlike my southern lifestyle. I spend a bit more time on Facebook, okay?

So, I read something one of my Usborne book customers had posted to her wall.  It was a farewell to her precious friend, and the blog was her friend's record of her prior year.  I read the blog, in detail, because this friend of my Facebook friend was my age.
She was 38.
She was 38, yet gone from this earth and with her heavenly Father.  From melanoma.

So my mole on my leg had been poo-poo'd as an issue last year, but I still had a couple of issues this spring - one, with a pyogenic something-something growing out of my neck (really gross!  It was like the alien from Spaceballs!), and then after that was done, several hemangiomas grew in the same spot.

The combination of the pyogenic-whatever and the hemangiomas have made this an extended scarf season for me.  So in and out of the doctor as I was, and having read that blog, I finally decided to mention that "nothing" mole on my leg to the doctor.  Since I was there, anyway.

"Oh that comes out.  I can get you to a dermatologist ASAP or I can take it out.  Either way I am not comfortable with that being there."

Because of my neck issues, I scheduled the dermatologist.  Same reaction.  The PA said, "We like for our patients to stick around town after removing skin issues so we can help in case of infection.  But even though you are traveling all of June, I am going to say we need to remove this now.  I am not comfortable with that being there any longer than it has to be."

Huge old hole punch, and it was out.  Great big scar on my leg.  Thank goodness I'm already married.

But it could have been worse.  I got the phone call while I was traveling: it was indeed melanoma in situ - which means superficial melanoma, but melanoma nonetheless.  The PA said she was "relieved, because we don't have to call an oncologist, but it was melanoma like I suspected."

Thank you, God, for removing me from the sun.  I never thought I would say that, but because we moved last summer, I didn't spend the summer at the pool.  Because we moved to a cold place, I barely ever had shorts on - all pants and long skirts.  Because we moved up here, I believe the disease on my leg may have been stopped in its tracks.  And because we moved, I had to find a different dermatologist, and the PA at the dermatologist was thankfully aggressive.  Yes, I am thanking God every day for this unexpected move north.

The next step is to cut a half centimeter around the site of excision to verify it has not spread. I will be doing that in the end of July.

Back to the one thing I have in common with Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The woman who wrote this blog that scared me into action, this blessed lady who spent her last year documenting her battle with melanoma, you have to know, was a career communicator.  Julie Soderlund actually worked for Arnold Schwarzenegger and Carly Fiorina as their communications director.

Yet, I count her as my own communications director.  This woman's gift of communication verified my intuition that something was wrong.  It's incredible the signs our bodies are trying to give us that we yet ignore.  I am not sure I would have been sufficiently scared enough to ask a doctor about the mole again if it hadn't been for the clarity in her blog.  I honestly blindly trust doctors - and in this case had even ignored my intuition.  Julie's words confirmed for me I must do something.

Like Arnold, I am indebted to her.  I am indebted to her not for my career, though, but for my life at the moment.  To be in the position I am in, to have a chance to cut everything out before it spreads anywhere, I feel like I owe it to this woman.

#TeamSoderlund

Awaiting the end of July,
Wendy